Thursday, February 25, 2010

Girl Talk Thursday, LET IT ALL OUT!!!

I am so loving this idea!  One of my fave tweeps and bloggers, Mommy Geekology has this fabulous idea!  So, I'm joining in the fun.  It seems that lately I can't have an original thought so these awesome ideas that I'm stealing are helping unclog my thoughts....

So, this poster tells you how I feel lately.  Here's a quick list of things that have brought out my stabby side the past couple of days.

10)  Working in customer service.  Now, I love event planning here, I do.  But when I tell you that our policy is "blah blah blah", don't ask why.  Don't ask when it changed because then I have to pull out the policy that was written THIRTEEN FUCKING YEARS AGO and prove to you that it has been this way for a long time.

9)  Speaking of number 10---when I ask a question about your event request, do me a favor?  Answer the fucking question.  There was no need for you to email me, my boss's boss, HIS boss and HIS boss asking me why I needed to know.  Especially after you called me and I explained very clearly (and slowly) what needed clarification.  You're a total bitch and I won't help you anymore...

8)  Stupid people.  If you remember, last fall I wrote about bad drivers and stupid people.  It seems like they are breeding faster and faster.  It's like cockroaches.  No matter how much you squash them, they multiply!  For instance, I got booted.  Well, not me--my Jeep.  In our parking lot, for not being cleared to park.  So, on a Friday afternoon, I'm standing in a fucking parking lot paying some clown $75 to unboot my car so I can go home and drink beer--boat loads of it, actually.  On Monday, I go to our parking office and tell some dipshit what happened.  Her answer was a question:  Do you have a parking permit?  So, here's the conversation:

Me:  Yes
Her:  Well, you got booted because you aren't in the system.  Are you sure you have a permit?
Me:  Yes, because I received a warning ticket for not having my permit visible the same day I was booted.
Her:  That's why you were booted.
Me:  No...that was a warning.  I got booted for no clearance.
Her:  Because you don't have a permit.
Me:  (thinking, I'm going to stab this bitch in the throat) Yes, I do.  Here's my registration
Her:  Oh, well your tag number is wrong ON YOUR REGISTRATION.
Me:  (HUH??? WTF??????)  What do you mean?
Her:  Well, it's 409 in the computer and 408 on your registration. 
Me:  So, someone made a typo.  How do I get my money back?
Her:  Well, which one is correct?  Your registration or the computer???
Me:  (RUFKM????)  Obviously the registration is correct.
Her:  Are you sure?
Me:  (RU FUCKING WITH ME RIGHT NOW???) *takes deep breath  Yes, pretty sure the DMV has the correct tag number on my registration.....
Her:  Well, it's wrong in the computer. 
Me:  (Voice is no longer calm and quiet) OK, so you're telling me that because someone made a typo I have to pay $75???  Really????
Her:  Yes.
Me:  Can you fix it in the computer?
Her:  Oh, yes I can.
Me:  Since I've been at work for three hours already (one hour in here, you stupid cock juggling thunder cunt) is there a chance I'm booted again?
Her:  Yes, you could be. Do you have a parking permit??
Me:  Yes, I do.
Her.  Are you sure?  I see you received a warning ticket for it not being visible last Friday.
Me:  Just change the tag in the computer, please. 
Her:  It's done.
Me:  Thank you very much. (for nothing, you stupid ignorant slut)

Now, you may wonder why I didn't say everything I was thinking.  When you're dealing with the Pentagon Police Department, you just don't go saying shit like.  Bad enough I made the comment, "I just wanted to kill somebody when I saw that boot."  I swear, I heard someone lock and load behind me...

OK, so I thought I had ten but when I reached eight?  It spooled me back up again....Maybe I'll get to the rest of them sometime later in life...


Nicole said...

OMG. You're killing me :)

I guess even the Pentagon has cutbacks so they need that $75 to buy some paperclips? Or maybe paper for the parking ticket machines?

Spanish Fly said...

Idiots... It's just like playing racketball with curtains. No matter how hard you try. Eventually you will end up exausted and accomplished nothing.

WannabeVirginia W. said...

I admire your restraint.

I couldn't have been polite and most likely got arrested.

Amazing how stupid people run amok on this freakin' planet.

Shell said...

I couldn't work in customer service.

I only like the people in my computer.

Oh, and my family. Most days.

Kisha said...

OMG that was seriously on the top ten list of funniest posts I have ever read....I'm calling my husband right now just to call him a "stupid cock juggling thunder cunt." It should definitely brighten his day:)

Brittany said...

That is precisely why I stay home with my kids lol. That and I say all those things you were thinking out-loud.0.o

Janie Woods said...

Yes, my inner voice has Tourette's so it was very hard to restrain myself. Usually, handcuffs and frisking don't bother me but under the threat of law enforcement it was a different story....

Cheryl said...

You need to patent and collect royalties on "you stupid cock juggling thunder cunt" because I have a feeling a bunch of us are going to be saying it from now on. I already have. :)

Anonymous said...

I know that I shouldn't be amazed at the stupidity and ignorance of a lot of people, but for some reason I occasionally am. Go figure...

The Ranting Mommy said...

"stupid cock juggling thunder cunt"

I will visit your blog every day for jewels like one. AWESOMESAUCE.

Janie Woods said...

I cannot take credit for the cock juggling thunder cunt...That was from Anyssa from Aiming Low (see blog roll, please!) But, I do have some great gems and will try to post them more often!!

Janie Woods said...

Oh, and that's Anissa...fucking blonde

Karl said...

Good afternoon Janie,

There has to be a reserved place in hell, for people like her.

Good to see that you held your temper, hard to drink large quantities of beer while you're in lockup.