Friday, March 5, 2010

How to be a BIB (Big, Important Blogger)

So, while I'm working my ass off tweeting today, I was pulled into this tweeting hell with two AWESOME folks, Potty Mouth and Badnabes.  Now, I will tell you, they are BIG, IMPORTANT BLOGGERS!  How do I know this?  If you even start to type the names of their blogs in Google, they show up first.  Oh how I want to be like them!!  So, I decided to ask their secret. 

Now, I would like to point out that the first rule of becoming a BIB is NOT to ask other bloggers their secrets.  I was stunned that they agreed to throw me a crumb.  But, they did.  Just a crumb.  But that was after much cyberstalking on my part.  I mean, they both ignored me! Ah, let me guess...

Rule #2:  Ignore.  I have discovered that I'm just too damn friendly!  Now, there are those BIBs that are phenomenal and respond like Sage and Holly who respond to my comments, just to name two people off the top of my head.  They are BIBs, trust me.  Like a million followers between them, but fame has not gone to their heads.  I have found myself commenting on other BIB blogs and seriously hoping that I'll get a response from the writer! *checking email, "Oh please!  Let her say how funny my comment was and how awesome or insightful I am!!"  Going back to the blog time and again and checking comments to see if I rated their attention...

Being a BIB is like being the most popular chick in school.  She's friendly to only a few and you will do anything to get her to say "hi" to you.  Why?  Because if she acknowledges your existence, then you MUST be worth knowing, right? You know that BIB is reading your comment and thinking, "Who? Sheesh...She's only got 64 followers..."  *tosses coin  "Heads I reply, tails I basically tell her to fuck off without saying a word."  Meanwhile, I'm obsessed and losing my mind like Marissa Tomei in "What Women Want."  I'm looking through the glass at 3 a.m. waiting for my blogger to show up and tell me I'm worthy.

Rule #3--Write a book.  Or say you're writing a book.  ALWAYS mention your editor in your blog posts.  It adds to your creds...Admittedly, I have absolutely loved the books I purchased from Danny and Joeprah.  Oh I have signed up for Aunt Becky's book, too.  They are all so gotdamned funny I couldn't help it!  Plus, I count them among my faves.  But seriously?  Write a book.  That REALLY shows you are a BIB.  Unfortunately, I'm not nearly as interesting as the above mentioned folks (that I worship, let me add) so I stand very little chance of being a BIB.

Rule #4--Tweet.  And retweet.  And retweet the tweets of yours that people have retweeted.  That is, if you are worthy of being retweeted...If you are NOT retweeted, you stand no chance of being a BIB.  Ever.  You are a loser and not worthy of even looking at twitter, let alone tweeting...I was retweeted once in the past year, so I am worthy of BIBness.

And finally, rule #5--Drink lots of beer, show your boobs on Boob Emancipation and watch a shit ton of football!  Wait, that's me..And I'm not a BIB...
You will find that blogging, like life has a natural selection...

9 comments:

leeann said...

Sadly, with the exception of PMC and Badnabes, most BIB are BIBtards.
I know... I stalked and sucked up and yet here I am, still just unbig and unimportant.
This rejection, however, has increased my snarkiness by a factor of ten, which fuels the bloggy machine.
So I got that going for me. Which is nice.

Brittney said...

Lol!! This post reminds me of Speidi's "How to be famous" Yes i freaking read that book--- dont judge me! I won it lol!

Well I dont guess im BIB worthy but what the hey im having fun :)

Southern Sage said...

LOL
LOL
No Bib'ness for me! Thanks for the hollar too!

Danielle said...

This is hillarious and have also thought about it! Thanks for putting it into funny words.

GunDiva said...

Is there such a thing as Medium Important Blogger? Semi-important blogger? I never was the popular girl at school, so I know I'll never make BIB list, but maybe I can attain a lower standard. I'd really like that lower standard to be a little bit higher than the current "my family and friends read my blog and sometimes comment on it" standard.

I mean, I did just query my first book. Certainly that bumps me up the latter a little. Does't it? Maybe?

But then again, maybe not, 'cause I have a hard time ignoring my commenters. So the whole rule#2 thing is right out the window. So is the whole Tweeting rule.

Damn. Guess I'll just never be a BIB. And that's okay with me, 'cause I was taught not to get too big for my britches.

Barefoot Dreamer said...

good stuff. come see me sometime - got a little something for ya ;)

Janie Woods said...

Leeann, Brittney, Sage, Danielle, GunDiva and Dreamer:

Sorry it took so long to respond to your comments. i was TRYING to ignore you but dammit! I just can't do it!

Sage, BTW, you are hugely popular but youre right, no BIB. You are far too humble for BIBness. UR also my favorite blog in the whole wide world!! Well, aside from Dreamer...LOL

Miss Grace said...

Of course showing your boobs on Boob Emancipation is the most IMPORTANT part ;-)

Mariah said...

Yes, showing your boobies helps!! :)