Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Wicked, Wicked Wednesday

Hello strangers!  I'm amazed every time I log in and find that I haven't lost any followers!  Almost as amazed to find that it's been months since I've posted...I'm in awe that Christmas is almost here already.  As most of you will learn, time goes by faster as you get older.  I also know now why hamsters get a kick outta the wheel.  Watching them is like watching my life...Round and round we go, but we can get off any time we'd like to--with the help of some toys, sometimes.

So, lots of random stuff for me to say today.  I meant to post last week but just couldn't carve the time out at work to do it.  I definitely can't carve the time out at home, football season is here!  Four nights a week and Sunday NFL.  Little Man is so into this year, it's awesome!!

For instance, watching (choke) Ravens last week, I returned to the Mancave with a beer and asked how the game was going.  Little Man, who is all of seven years old, says, "Mom, they really need to start sweeping!  No one is blocking for the darn quarterback!"  We've already been to the home opener for Navy, where for some reason people felt it necessary to just hand things to him.  He's got a magnetic personality, gets it from ME, and toward the end of the game we were at the part of the stadium by the team tunnel.  Ricky Dobbs ran straight up to him and gave him his wrist bands; some Maryland State Patrol officer ran up and gave him a dollar; and then the mascot from Georgia Southern bee-lined for him and gave him a picture of their Bald Eagle!  There were about 20 other kids around him, but he got the goods...

I need to thank Ricky Dobbs, also.  He got Little Man a football that was signed by the entire Navy team.  LM was beyond thrilled.  I do love living here, except for the fact that we usually only get Baltimore or Skins games.

So, beyond football (is there such a thing?)....Got rid of the black cloud at work.  Yes folks, sometimes it pays to have a psychotic episode.  I flipped out before our Florida vacation and two weeks later when I returned, I was informed that THAT GUY is outta here.  Friday is his last day.  Woot!  Score!!!

I have decided that I'm going to buy a fruit headress. You know, like the one Carmen Miranda used to wear. Or the Chiquita (TM) banana chick from days of old. I think with my purple patent leather Minnie Mouse shoes, it would be a great accessory. I also think it would add a little something to my Macarena. Or Zumba class.   I mean, take a look at them!  Don't you think it would be perfect???

I also don't get political on here, but I do have to say something about this week's events:  If you're going to bash conservatives for being anti-gay, do some research first.  The reason they blocked the Defense Authorization Act wasn't because of the DADT policy.  It's because voting on that policy does NOT belong in a budget bill!  Nor does adding some of the addendums that had nothing to do with Defense, such as government funded abortions.  After 24 years in the military, I can tell you I have no problem with letting gays openly serve, and I'm a conservative.  I would rather they openly serve than have to live a lie.  We have enough people in power acting like someone they're not.  I'm also tired of people who have no experience with the military and all that it involves, putting in their two cents on what the military should be like and do...And that's all I've got to say about that.

Speaking of gay, my fucking Tiny Doo is killing me.  He's only six months old, but he's outta control.  Time to get him snipped.  My dogs have picked a section of the yard, unfortunately right of my deck, that they have turned into their wrestling ring.  The grass is gone and I've given up until the spring.  Anyway, before I digress, I'm sitting on my patio watching Beau, the neurotic Shepherd, wrestle with Chico, the psychotic terrier, when outta NO WHERE Tiny Doo, my Mastiff/Akita/Shepherd mix, mounts Beau.  Poor dog is forward looking to the terrier, no situational awareness (SA), when a young pup tries ass-raping him!  So, I break it up and all dogs run up on the deck.  I sit back down, pick up my drink, turn to look up at my son and catch Tiny LICKING Chico's hoo hoo.  Oh.My.God.  He's blowing the terrier.  So here's what Middle Man pops off with.  "Mom, I don't get it.  Why is he trying to butt-rape Beau but pleasure Chico??"  After I picked my jaw up from the table and wiped the tears of laughter from my eyes, I answered him.  "He knows who the alpha male is.  You ALWAYS keep the alpha happy..."

Also, Tiny has a thing for wood.  All types, it seems.  He has chewed on the leg of my piano bench.  My 120 year old Baby Grand, to be exact.  So now it's smeared with hot chili sauce to keep him off of it.  It's very attractive looking.  He has pulled just MY shirts out of the dirty clothes hamper and chewed them up.  My pantyhose, my bras, my panties.  Every day I go home, it's like picking up pieces of my wardrobe off the living room floor.  It looks like I've held a striptease in there.  And my sons, being men-children, have NO SA.  They and all their teenage friends tromp right through there, over my chewed up thongs and bras.  It's somewhat embarassing when I get home.  Here I am, running in to run back out to football practice, picking up my thongs on the way...So, I have to make sure the door to my closet is closed, I put my lingerie in the clothes basket downstairs between the washer and dryer and just cross my fingers when it comes to the upstairs hamper.

I forgot to mention that Prodigal turned 18 last month.  I can't believe that by this time next year, he'll be out on his own, hopefully in the military.  His plans are to go Coast Guard, God love him.  Wants to be a rescue swimmer.  I did have to remind him this weekend to empty his pockets before he puts his clothes in the laundry.  I did this while handing him the used condom wrapper I found in the dryer.  I know, I'm subtle.

Anyway, folks...I'm outta here for now.  I promise, I'll try harder to come back and visit with you. I'll also try harder to visit your homes, too.  It's just been very hectic and stressful lately.  Things should calm down by the time I'm 50, though.  I look forward to that.

I also need to log in from home.  I don't think I'm getting everything I should on my blog from work...I can't edit my template or anything so my list of followers is, ummm, gone???  I'll get you back, along with the blogs I follow.  I promise.  If I remember.  When I get time.  So, sometime after the New Year, you should be back on my "How I Roll"...

So, I'll leave you with this:

And you wonder what's wrong with our society....

Oh wait!  One more!  I got a great shot of some obvious Dallas fans trying to pass themselves off as Texan fans...

Yep, Dallas fans....


IT said...

Obviously Dallas fans.

Trac~ said...

LOL - love the Texas "fans" - welcome back! :o)

Left of Lost said...

1. LOVE the purple shoes!
2. My sister's little yorkie has been humping my old lady dog and my young crazy-ass boxer. It's comical.
3. He chews your stuff for the scent. My boxer does that shit and it's so annoying! I can totally see ur sons walking over your clothes like it's nothing. LOL
4. Not all of us Dallas-area Texas fans look that bad in Texas shirts or boots. ;) Don't you remember my Texas photo on the old Boob Emancipation site?!

Karl said...

Good afternoon Janie,

That sounds like a great outfit I'd like to see the picture. Carmen Miranda hat and the purple shoes, nothing else right.