Thursday, July 15, 2010

It's Just Another Wicked Wednesday (OK, It's Thursday Now)

Hey, want my job?  It's an easy, no-brainer, people and customer-oriented job.  You get to interact with all level of government officials and civilians.  It's a lot of fun.  But you know what??  ONE person in my office makes it the most stressful job I've probably done.  THIS from a woman who ran a flight deck on an aircraft carrier, no less!!

So, here's the deal:  I've been in the Federal government for just over two years.  Two years, two months and 26 days, to be exact.  This is my second job in the government.  I love it!  I really, really do!  It's a blast.  It's usually busy and when it's not?  I just tweet, chat and blog.  It's a pretty stress-free job except for THAT GUY.  You know, THAT GUY.  Have you ever worked with THAT GUY?  He's the one that has been there since you were in your mother's womb.  He's the one that brags at how well he knows the job but turns around and says he's being held back because he hasn't promoted in 15 years.  He's the one that doesn't look at himself and ask, "Why?"  He's THAT GUY that blames his woes on everyone else around him.  He's the one that applied for YOUR job three times and didn't get it.  That makes you his favorite person, right?  He's also THAT GUY that doesn't like change very much.

I was hired to perform change management on this job.  And I mean starting with basic change management like moving from paper planners to a networked calendar.  Yeah, no kidding.  THAT basic.  In the past three months, I've taught Scanner 101, Adobe 101, and Outlook 101.

I send out emails with explicit directions like this:

Click on Outlook; in the left-hand column, click on "Calendar"
Check the box next to which calendar you want to view
Click on the date

Oh, you get the picture. Of course, every week I'm teaching remedial classes.  Except to THAT GUY.  He's the one that thinks old school provides much better customer service.  He's the one that thinks old school is what people want.  When I told him people do not want to hand-walk paperwork to our office and spend 20 minutes of their life (each way) doing it, he told me I was obviously out of touch with customer service...yeaahhhh, that's it. 

So, I decided the only way to get him to play by the new rules is to take away his toys. I threw away their version of a shared calendar:  A ratty, stapled together, scribbled on desk blotter that all planning was done on. OMFG!! You would have thought I smashed his favorite toy!  He threw a complete tantrum!  "I don't like all these changes you're making!" And, "This is bullshit! You've got no right!"  Then moved into a tirade about, "You don't show me anything!  You only work with the women!"  When I replied, "Well, two things there:  They show up for work AND they ask me questions on 'how to'"  that tore it!  He started screaming that I was "sick in the head", "had an agenda" and "needed medication." 

I had to stifle my laugh.  This guy is freaking out about a paper blotter and I need medication?!?!?!  Holy shit!  Really?  I was trying sooo hard not to just bust out laughing.  When I said, "You know, if you can't keep up with the changes, you can always leave", I really thought he was going to burst a blood vessel in his brain. 

He stormed into the manager's office and announced he was leaving for the day before he "did something" he'd regret. 

He hasn't shown up for two days...I was so anxious he was going to show today, I actually gave myself a Brazilian last night.  Does that tell you anything?  I knew if I had the strength to rip my own hair down there out by the roots, I could face one more day with him....But he did save me money--I didn't pay the normal $75 I do every month for someone else to do it!!  Yeah, I owe him, I guess...

One more thing, why the FUCK doesn't blogger have spell check?  Oh wait, there it is...Never mind.

I wish I was a kinky statue....


Fragrant Liar said...

Eek, the dinosaurs continue to roam the planet!

I just quit a job working for two women, a nazi and a diva--the diva being the worst of the two--and moved four states away. They didn't mind change so much; what they minded was other women who color outside their strict lines they have set up (though they want you to take initiative and be creative) and then call you "insubordinate" when you request clarification about what it is they really are asking you to do. Oy.

Karl said...

Good evening Janie,

I hope you're walking around with Kevlar covering those beautiful breasts, just in case the dinosaur goes postal.

Nice to see a posting.

Nicole said...

Oh I am so adding you to my reader.

I work in municipal government and I totally get what you're talking about. My organization is all about "organic change".

Unfortunately, organic change only works when there is a culture amenable to change in the workplace/workgroup. And I find government just does not have that culture.

So when you have no culture of change, you have to use shock and awe tactics. Like destroying paper calendars.

McClure Family said...

love the first motivational poster! LOL!!

Papa K said...

THAT GUY sounds like MY BOSSES... freakin' old school dweebs.