Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Wicked, Wicked Wednesday

OK, I'll admit--I haven't written much on here.  I have overused the excuse of being busy but really, it's hard to blog from home and nearly impossible to do from work.  So I get on here when I can and do my best to try and amuse at least some of you.  I just find it interesting that the less I write the more followers I get.  Last time I posted I LOST two followers.  Makes me scratch my head a lot.  Actually, being a blonde, I just kinda tilt it to one side, giggle and twirl my hair with my finger.  I amaze myself that I can even count that high sometimes.

So, today is my wicked, wicked Wednesday.  Because it's a short week, Tuesday took on the role of being the Monday whore and Wednesday is just plain wicked already.  I've realized lately that I need to win the lotto.  I need to just be floating around in a pool.  Maybe then I could give to all those phone solicitors that call me for the Save the Dandelion campaigns and the Feed the Squirrels foundations.  Is it just me or are those people just over the top?

Here's a typical conversation: (cue ringing phone)

Me:  Hello?
Them:  Janie?  HI!!  It's Dave!!
Me (totally sucked in because I know 20 or so Daves, including my brother):  Hey!  How ARE you?
Dave:  Great!  The reason I'm calling is that in the past, you have given so generously to the Mickey Mouse Ears for Midgets Suffering from IBS that we were hoping you would continue your support.
Me:  I'm sorry, who is this again?

It's particularly the ones that I've never given to I find the most annoying.  Especially when they give me the "in the past" line...Dude, I've never heard of Burros Without Borders so just stop. Seriously.

And exactly WHEN did we go from courteous to, "Hey Janie!!"  like we're long, lost friends?  When did this happen?  Am I the only person that finds this rude?  It makes me want to cockpunch or cuntpunt the person on the other end of the phone.  Well, once I find out that we really don't know each other and they haven't friended me on Facebook. 

Now look, I know what you're thinking:  "You do HAVE caller ID, don't you?"  Yes, yes I do.  A lot of these people call from numbers that have a person's name, not a business.  Being a team mom for several teams, I'm not sure if it's one of my parents or a parent from another team, etc.  Lame, yes I know, but it's my lie and I'll tell it any way I want to.

Hmmmm, I'm in a rambling mood today.  Ever have those?  I can't even think of a segway into my next topic so let's just

So, I'm reading the news the other night and I read that they have invented underwear for diabetics that will vibrate when their blood sugar is outta whack or dial 911 if they go into diabetic shock. Now, this got me to thinking--wouldn't one lead to the other?  Here's why...If I were a diabetic and my panties vibrated every time my blood sugar got outta whack?  I'd wind up in diabetic shock because I would make sure they were always vibrating....

It also brought to mind another invention---if vibrating panties can call 911, why can't you make panties you can call to vibrate?   Can you imagine the FUN?  You KNOW your wife is in a very important, yet boring, meeting.  What do you do?  Spice it up!  Dial-An-O!  There could be three numbers, low, medium and OMFG!!!  As she's going through her Power Point, she could be getting a power pointer, you know?  Her laser pointer is shaking, her legs are trembling, she's starting to drool...The cool thing is?  The audience might think she's going into diabetic shock!  Ohhhh!!!!!! THAT explains the panties!!

Can you imagine if her husband called her now?  


Stacy said...

Welcome back. Missed the C bombs while you were gone, gotta admit! Dropped one myself about a month back ;)

Hilarious last sentence before that ice skating pic. Laughed out loud A LOT!

Karl said...

Good afternoon Janie,

Make those panties and you better have a calling plan with unlimited minutes.

ciara said...

haha dial-an-o lol ever see that movie the ugly truth? that kid finds the vibrating panty controller on the floor while she's having dinner w her work colleagues? oh man, i can just imagine it being worse than that lol

Arby said...

"There could be three numbers, low, medium and OMFG!!!"

Great line!

Theodore H said...

ok i hate reading but your blog was just so well put together i had to read more.