Friday, October 16, 2009

I Don't Put Things Off...

imagesOK, I only put things off when I FEEL like putting things off.  I always have.  This week, I've had issues with getting motivated for anything.  I mean ANYTHING!!  It may be because of the shitty weather or maybe I just need some down time.  I personally think it's because of football.  There hasn't been any this week.  Little Man's practices have been canceled because of the weather (they close the county fields when they get too wet to keep from ruining them).  Plus, half the team was out sick this week, and rumor has it two kids have (GASP!!) swine flu.  Oh, sorry piggies--H1N1.  Navy has been away last week and this, so I have another week before Little Man and I can enjoy a game together.  And WTF??  Isn't time for Thursday games yet????  DAMN!!  I haven't even read one word in  my schoolwork...*sigh  That just means I'm going to suck up my free time this weekend playing catch up with homework.  Will I ever learn?  Probably not. 

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I haven't gone to the gym because of Little Man's football practices. They suck up two-plus hours a night, three nights a week and three hours on Saturdays.  I'm serious.  My schedule is this:  Leave for work at 6:15 a.m.  Arrive at work at 7:30 if traffic is good.  Leave work at 4:00 p.m. and arrive home around 5:30.  Change clothes and leave for practice at 5:40.  Get home at 8:00.  That only leaves me about two hours before bed.  I really have to pound some beers in that two hours to even make it worthwhile!!  Now that football for him is winding down, I find that I'm telling myself, "OK, two more weeks and it's back to the gym."  I'm going to wind up looking like the guy in the poster if this keeps up.  I will admit, I have been watching yoga on FitTV.  I just haven't been joining in on the fun.  Does that tell you what's been on lately?  I flip between Cops, Namaste yoga and the electronics shopping channel.  I go to the gym to balance out my diet of salads, Lean Cuisine and beer.  That said, I HAVE found time for some beer.  There is ALWAYS time for beer. 
Which leads me to my blog.  Now, I've been all about the Twitter this week.  I have no idea why.  I also found some hysterical websites like
http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/, http://www.dumbemployed.com/, and http://www.mydrunktexts.com/ . 

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So, between work, practice, beer, laundry, dishes, beer, dinner, cleaning, surfing while drinking a beer, watching yoga while drinking a beer, and getting the kids ready for bed then drinking a beer or two, I haven't found time for the blog this week.  Plus, due to lack of motivation, I haven't really had anything to blog about except annoying telemarketers.  Oh, by the way, if you happen to BE a telemarketer, I have to tell you something.  Just because my last name ends in "ez" doesn't mean I speak Spanish, dumbass.  And neither does The Man.  So take me off your fucking call list and quit calling me!!  If I answer the phone and you say, "Donde estas El Hombre?"  and I reply with, "HUH???"  You probably don't want to try and continue the conversation with me.  ALSO, while I'm in a digressing sort of mood, let me teach you some fucking phone etiquette.  We've covered elevators extensively so listen up:  When you dial a number and someone says, "Hello" don't reply back with, "Who's this?"  I always say, "Well, you called me.  Who the fuck do you think it is?"  Of course, my very religious MIL was unimpressed with that answer when she didn't recognize my vioce...Unless you are some woman that is trying to reach The Man and missed that wedding ring?  That shouldn't be your first question.  If you ARE some woman trying to reach The Man and missed that wedding ring, that's why there's *69 and caller ID. I will find you.  And I'm armed.  I'm just sayin's all.  And who thought of *69 as a callback??  I mean think about it...It was developed to call back obscene phone calls.  Why those numbers?  So the freak can ask, "Did you just 69 me??"  How do you respond?  "Why, yes I did!!"  Didn't they think that would lead to awkward conversations?? 
OK, so now I'm really digressing....See?  That's what happens when I see shiny objects...I can't stay focused on the task at hand.  Well, unless the task involves someone else.  But then, that's not really a task, is it?  Wait, I'm digressing again....I think I need a drink to clear my head..... 


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OH!!  I totally forgot...I'm so fucked up that I thought Halloween was next week.  How's THAT for procrastination???  I realized today that I haven't decorated house, bought costumes or candy, all that crap...*sigh  Is Christmas coming soon????


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5 comments:

Steven Anthony said...

Great post...funny

have a great weekend;)

whatnowdad said...

I always love reading your stuff...great way to start my day. You rock!!!

Janie Woods said...

Thanks guys!!

Melissa said...

I love the last comic... and I must admit, I am a BIG procrastinator too... I actually work better when I am "almost" late!!

Martie said...

You have nothing to blog about? Are you kiddin me? I mean, seriously? Srsly? This was great. It even made me smile--and I'm having a bit of trouble with that at the moment.