Wednesday, October 21, 2009

My Blog Blockage

So, I'm sitting here reading emails from my loyal 46, no wait 45 just now, followers asking why I can't find anything to write about.  Martie, whom I only know through emails and blogging, is a beautiful blogger out of Texas.  I love her and she seems to have impeccable timing.  She asked, "You have nothing to blog about???  But I love reading your blog!  You always make me smile."  So, I sat here staring at a blank screen wondering, "what the hell do I write tonight?"  I could write about past things that have happened that I find hysterical, I could get serious and write about right now.  But then, while watching the TV with a 1000 yard stare it came to me.  In a commercial, no less. 

I found myself laughing my ass off at a commercial. It was for Maryland Hydroponics.  Yep, hydroponics.  The ad states:  "Turn your closet into a garden of green."  Luckily, The Man was out of the room when I lost it.  "Turn your closet into a garden..."  Hmmmm.  What kind of fucking plants do most people grow in a closet??  Tomatoes?  Watermelon???  Hell to the No.  Marijuana. Pot. Mary Jane. Weed.  I just saw an ad showing people how to grow pot in their closet...Holy shit.  So, even though growing it is illegal, you can now order what it takes to grow it, complete with instructions.  Interesting concept!

I had visions of a house in our neighborhood with helicopters flying over like a scene out of True Lies.  Vans, swat teams, helicopters, spotlights...With some poor bastard yelling, "But it's just a closet garden!! I ordered all this shit online!! I saw an infomercial!  It's completely legal!!" while being butt-stroked (not in the gay sense) by some big, bullet-proof Arnie.  Can you imagine?  Yep, hydroponics...The funniest thing about the commercial was they WERE showing people with tomato plants in their closet...Yeeeaaaahhhhhh. 


And then this morning I'm walking into work.  This is a big, shiny, official building and I see a gold Magnum condom laying unopened on the sidewalk outside the front entrance.  My first thought?  Wow, someone is probably blowing their promotion.  Since I crack myself up with these strange thoughts and crazy conference room mental images, I started to giggle.  Then all out laugh.  I'm now passing through security laughing my ass off.  It kinda caught them off guard, I guess, because everyone came to a standstill while I wiped the tears away putting my bags through screening and staggering through thte metal detector.  I guess it would have been a little different if I had actually been walking with someone or at least talking on my hands-free, but no.  All alone.  By myself.  Laughing. Hysterically.  Have you ever just found something so funny you just start to laugh uncontrollably, even though it really isn't that funny???  I'm now sitting at my desk waiting for them to come talk to me.  Maybe ask (again) if I need professional help.  I'm probably the reason we have a psychiatrist on staff here.   And really?  What does THAT tell you?  We have a psychiatrist on staff.  How many of you work somewhere with a shrink on staff--I mean someplace that doesn't have anything to do with the medical or crazy community?  What, we have one "just in case"?  Yeah, 5000 people in this building.  That poor bitch is probably the busiest person of all....

So, there they are. Two of my "moments" so far this week.  I know, probably not worth blogging about, but if I don't share with you two, who AM I going to share with???  Besides, I'm hoping to make Martie smile just a little....Now go--go give Martie some love.  Oh, and since I blew off Stick It, Tuesday give some to Supah Momma and Chief while you're at it.

13 comments:

WeaselMomma said...

A. I hope you called the 800 number and ordered. What a great vlog that would make.
2. Those are the best kind of laughs.
C. it is hard to type while wearing this straight jacket.

Patois said...

The problem when I start laughing maniacally is that only makes me laugh even more maniacally.

Just Stacy said...

I liked it even if you had nothing to say. I always like your pics too ... they inspired me to add WTF Wednesday to my blog, if you want to laugh and have time, check it out :)

Just Stacy said...

haha wouldn't lose me, I have a lot of American friends, we are pretty good with that kind of humour ;)

I have a pic of a squirrel on a row boat with army fatigues on titled Canadian Army .. lmao

Steven Anthony said...

Im newish to your blog, but always find it to be a good time;)

Martie said...

Sniff. Sniff. You like me, you like me, you really, really LIKE me (right?).

See, funny. Everytime. I did smile. I laughed even.

I need to check into this closet garden thing...I've been meaning to put more leafy greens in my diet.

You're the best. Thank you. Really, thank you.

S3XinthePantry said...

you crack me up!!!

I never would have gone the promotion direction - would have thought more like "happy condom throwing fairies or condoms falling from the sky"

there are shrinks in most of the offices I work in too...we pretend that they're there for the patients...but we know they are keeping track of us!

Glad ur back to blogging!

Janie Woods said...

Thanks, guys!! S3X, you are too funny! At least you have PATIENTS! We're an HR agency...*sigh

Janie Woods said...

WM!! Nice to hear from you! We kinda lost connectivity for a while!!

Something Happened Somewhere Turning said...

I think that commercial was just a sting. We'll probably hear something later. "Today, 1,983 people were arrested in what is now being called the largest sting operation in America. This just after the President..."

Cowbell. (snicker, snicker) You just can't go wrong with something like this.
Or can you?

ciara said...

well, i don't know anything bout growing plants in a closet BUT i know that they do grow veggies and herbs hydroponically at the Amundsen-Scott South Pole Station. there are only like cpl times they can have supplies brought in. that is my useless information for today. thank you and i'll be back again same time next week lmao jk ;0)

Janie Woods said...

Ah, my sis C. Where would I be without you and useless trivia????

SupahMommy said...

COWBELL!!!!!! LMAO