I find it ironic that I wrote a blog containing pick up lines, given what happened to me this morning! Now, I've had some strange shit happen before, like the time The Man and I were out at one of the local bars. We wound up sitting with an extremely amorous couple. I was amazed and asked them how long they had been married. He replied that they had been married 10 years and were more in love each day with each other. Now I know what you're thinking, "Ahhh, that is SO sweet!!" So, I mistakenly asked him what their secret was. Before I tell you, let me set the scene. This was a no longer existing local bar i.e. pit. We lived pretty far off the beaten path and it was about a mile from the house--you know, walking distance just in case. We went there a total of three times in two years and the bartender remembered what I drank. Either I drank a lot or there wasn't a variety of customers. It was a hole. But, we went anyway when we just wanted to get out of the house and not stray too far from home. And let me say, in the words of Truvy, "The nicest thing I can say about her is that all her tattooes are spelled right." Got the picture now?
So, back to his answer. Sure you're ready for this? "I pick up women for her.".....HUH??? The Man was in the restroom during this exchange and let me say I was less than comfortable with the response. I took a drink of my beer and said, "Umm, oh! Well, that's nice of you!" And took another drink. And another. Waiting for the The Man so I could find an excuse to find somewhere else to sit. There was an awkward silence when he asked, "Are you interested? I could talk to your husband for you." Ahhh, no thanks. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever. So, hubs gets back and I say, "Wow, look at the time! Gotta go!" Told him about it on the way home. He laughed his ass off. First time I'd ever been hit on by a guy for his wife. By the way, we never went back. That was our last trip to that bar.
Which leads me to this morning. I had something happen on the way to work that I never saw coming. Ya'll know what a WaWa is? It's like a 7/11 on steriods. Great place. "Gotta have a WaWa"....Stop there just about every morning for a Monster or water or gas. I'm like a WaWa regular, I guess. You know, at 6:15 in the morning, most places like that have their regulars. So today, I fill up the manly man truck and head inside for my Monster. (I'm totally hooked on that shit, by the way) An older gentleman says hello as I pass him, I respond with a "Good morning!" then head to the counter. In my ear I hear this softly whispered, "You're living proof that angels shop at WaWa." What??? Huh????? Am I on candid camera or did I just get hit on, in a gas station, at 6:15 in the morning??? Are you fucking kidding me?? Really? How do I respond to this? I turned and said, "Ummm, thank you. What a sweet thing to say" and turned back to the cashier. Of course, this being one of THOSE mornings, the guy in front of me decides to pay for $3.85 worth of things with a $100 bill. Fuck me. Not enough change in the register. WaWa stalker beside me. I just keep looking down at my Monster, wanting to get out quickly. Change made, my turn. WaWa Stalker says, "Is that all you have? It's on me." No, really. That's ok. "No, no. I insist. Not everyday I get to buy a beautiful woman a drink." Why's that? They shop at BP down the road??? I insisted that I would pay, he grabs my drink and insists more. I don't want to argue, I let him pay and mumble a thanks. Flying out the door, hoping he's not paying attention to what vehicle I get in.
Now, I know some of you are like, "What's the big deal? It was sweet!" OK, you have to admit it's creepy. Creepy. Icky, creepy. I know he was trying to be nice, but it's creepy. It was like being hit on in a bar, but sober on the way to work, in a gas station and buying my morning fix. Plus, he was like 60. Even creepier. And desperate. Who uses a pick up line like "...angels shop at WaWa"? Do you think he thought this up and was just waiting to use it? Has he used it before? Is he a serial WaWa line dropper? Does it work very often? Does he get phone numbers out of this? WILL HE BE THERE TOMORROW??? How many Monsters do you buy a woman before you're like, "You know, I've bought five. I think you at least owe me a dance to the '60's music in the junk food aisle"? Or does he step it up? Next time, does he offer to buy me a salad? Does that count as a meal? Would I REALLY owe him if he does??? Ugh...Now I'll be paranoid to shop at my fave morning destination....
Now, for the weekend football round-up in my world. It occurred to me that I've spent a lot of time with the Boobs portion of this post, a good amount of time with the Beer, but not enough on the Ballgames.
Little Man had a game Saturday morning. We have four second year players out with various injuries and illnesses and one player quit. We were up against a pretty tough (and mean) team. I was on the chain gang and chatting up one of the officials. He said they're going to lodge a complaint against the opposing team because of their lack of discipline, their unsportsman-like conduct and just overall playing. He admitted they could have thrown a flag on every play but didn't because the game would have lasted all day. He did praise our team for their attitude and discipline when they're getting illegal hits, hands purposely stepped on, etc. That doesn't make up for the 32-0 loss we suffered. And these are six year olds....My son was bummed but he had a good game. With him on defense and so many 2nd year players out, he got a LOT of playing time!
After his game, we headed to the Navy Marine Corps stadium for the Navy-Western Kentucky game. It was the 50th anniversary of the stadium so Navy wore throw-backs. It was a great game and Navy won 38-22.
I was happy to see Detroit win. Not a Lions fan, but you gotta love a losing team. I like them because losing teams have a tendency to fuck things up when it's coming toward play-off berths. And I just have a soft spot for Detroit.
Now, my football question of the week: WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH SEATTLE'S UNIFORMS??? Who the fuck thinks that lime green should be the color of choice? They looked like a group of glow sticks on the field. Ugh....I will not be buying one of the new jersies.