Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The "When Pills Aren't Enough Sessions"

I have recently been involved with  a wonderful blogger who came up with the idea of a "round robin" blog.  Submit what you want, about anything you want, about anyone you want, anonymously.  Totally anonymous.  I don't know where my blog post is and I don't know who wrote this...Your blog post is posted on someone else's blog with total anonymity to yourself.  So, welcome to the first round of  the "When Pills Aren't Enough Sessions".  If you'd like to participate, see her blog here.  It's a great idea and I would love for my own stalkers to participate!!

A woman I know is going through a particularly painful divorce. She is one of several I know up close and personally who are in various stages of undressing of a marriage. She is having the toughest go of it. Her children, you can be damn sure, are having an even tougher time.
I sometimes feel as if I am her only friend, the only person she can talk endlessly to about the various egregious acts inflicted upon her. Of course, I'm not the only person. She talks to my husband endlessly about it as well. And, having encountered my sister twice, she is always telling me how much she's sure my sister will appreciate this anecdote or that anecdote.
The "funny" thing is that we were friendly but certainly not friends before her world collapsed beneath her feet. Perhaps if we had been friends, I would have been a real friend by now and told her to SHUT THE HELL UP ABOUT IT! Surely, the others have done this, which is perhaps why I am the only one she has left.
And this is where I show my true self. It'll take a moment to get to. It is probably not worth the wait. But.
Some years ago, a firefighter died in the line of duty. He left behind a wife and two young children. In the years since, I have become quite familiar with the three of them. The dead man's children and my children cross paths. I cross paths with the children to a much greater degree than I cross the widow's path. I do hear of her many escapades, though.
They are a dysfunctional lot. Knowing a bit of their history before the firefighter's heroic death, I realize the dysfunction runs quite deep and existed long before his death. And when I hear of her latest run-in with name-any-entity, I wonder if he might have just taken the easy way out. I think I can even see why he might want to.
This woman going through the divorce right now? For all the blame I'd heap upon her someday-to-be-ex-husband, I'm starting to see why he chose the proverbial fire.


Why Mom Drinks Rum said...

It amazes me how disfunctional some families really are. And how they don't seem to care, or want to fix their lives.

Janie Woods said...

I know, huh? I have a friend who's been in marriage counseling for TWO PLUS years! His wife checks his cell phone as soon as he gets home, and during the day she'll check the numbers called on-line. Funny thing is, he's never cheated....She has.

Anonymous said...

It makes me so sad how disfunctional some marriages are. How toxic people are to their spouses. So sad!

Chibi said...

Man, I'd love to say that I'd never stay in a marriage like that, but I bet we've ALL said that, and yet it still happens. :(

@Janie, don't they say that the guilty are always the most suspicious? Gotta love the double-standard!

S3XinthePantry said...

so, you don't know who wrote the blog post and someone else has posted yours? That's kind of amazing, complicated and fun.
I really feel for these families. I don't think the "friend" would stop, even if asked.

Janie Woods said...

@chibi...You don't know how many times I've bitten my tongue instead of telling him that I think she's STILL cheating. She's projecting her guilty conscience into blame.

Martie said...

hmmm, hard to decide to work on the whole "anon" idea or the fact that some people are definatley in need. I CAN say that anyone going through a divorce needs to talk. ALOT. And that they will, to ANYONE, if given the chance. Divorce can be like a death (of hopes, dreams and even fantasies of the Future) for both spouses as well as the kids. I can remember talking several friends and my sister's ears OFF while going through mine. I needed support and to keep myself as busy as possible. To the point of making everyone else busy with my crap as well. Ah, well. Don't want to talk your ears off..

(PS: no divorce going on here!)

Mox said...

Wow. Sad. I feel so sorry for the kids. They are just innocent little people with no control over the turmoil their lives sometimes become.

Trooper Thorn said...

Good observation. Divorce rarely takes a good situaiton and wrecks it. It has been my experience separation creates new problems, takes things that were problems and makes them nightmares, takes things that were issues and makes them problems, and things that were mere annoyances become issues.

Kay said...

As for the woman divorcing... hurry up and Google a divorce support group in your area and SEND HER THERE. Then maybe she won't feel the need to talk to you about it as much?
Some people are just plain difficult. And difficult people can be impossible to be married to. So yeah, sometimes the fire seems like (or actually IS) a better choice than the frying pan.