I received the below from a friend via email. Now I would give credit where credit is due, but I have no idea where these quotes came from.
The only reason I would say this post is for the guys is #6--which, by the way, cracked me the fuck up. Of course, she was crack up too!!1. I was walking through the cemetery this morning and saw a guy crouching down behind a tombstone ... I said, "Morning." He said, "No, just taking a shit."
2. When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then my mom told me that the Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and asked Him to forgive me.
3. My wife was in labor with our first child. She was shouting, "Get this out of me! Give me some drugs." She looked at me and said, "You did this to me you bastard!" I casually replied, "If you would care to
remember, I wanted to stick it up you're a--, but you said, "No, it'll be too painful."
4. I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my annual checkup. She told me that I had to quit masturbating. I asked why, she said, "Because I am trying to examine you."
5. I was walking down the road today and saw my Afghani neighbor, Abdul, standing on his fifth floor apartment balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"
6. My girlfriend and I were making love last night when she looked up at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies." So I turned her over on all fours, stuck it in her a--, pulled it out, flipped her back over
and blew my load all over her face and hair. She cried. I guess we don't watch the same movies.
