I told you I'd come back sometime. I know, March to August. Just a small vacation. But I'm here now! Let me catch you up on my five months of Mondays.
You've seen me mention Mac in my posts from September to March. Well, Mac is no more. We'll leave it at that, but it was a massive heartbreak for me. I'll just say August was a rough month for me. Still stinging actually.
Prodigal has his driver's license! Yes, he got it in March, I think? It's been a while anyway. So, in April I'm upstairs when I hear, "Mom? Can you come outside?" I'm sure you all just saw the same red flag I did...
Me: "What happened?"
Prodigal: Just come outside, please!
Me: Just tell me
Him: Please, Mom?
So, I walk outside. To see the front end of my Jeep smashed in---by my van. Oh yes...While backing out of the driveway, he backed my van across the front of my Jeep. . I asked him, no kinda yelled at him, "Have you ever heard of the brake?" He didn't stop with the initial touch...I could tell this by the scraped paint all down the side of my van. Even worse, my van has those back up alarms. You know what I'm talking about? The radio goes off and this loud solid tone comes on when you're within a foot of something behind the van. We'll just ignore THAT noise.
Flash forward to August: The ex-husban cop calls me.
Him: Has Prodigal called you?
Me: No, why?
Him: You may want to call him.
Me: Why?
Him: Because he just called me. You need to call him.
(ring ring)
P: Hi mom.
Me: What happened?
P: I kinda backed into a car at the Wawa
Me: WHAT?? YOU DID WHAT???? What kind of car?????
Are you ready for this? Wait for it.....Wait for it....
A Lexus. A 2010 Lexus. Now luckily he was backing out and going slow. Luckily there was no damage to my Jeep. But a Lexus??
Hey Prodigal? Next time just hit a Mercedes 900 series. Let's just go for the gold now, ok? One small dent on the front of the Lexus was $1378. Holy fucksticks.
So, then we had an earthquake. I think I failed my college finals. Then we had Hurricane Irene. Oh boy, oh joy. I got up Saturday morning two weeks ago, and headed to Home Depot. I only have two sandbags in my shed. They were out. Everyone was. Yes, yes I know. Duh. Hurricane coming that day and I expect to find sandbags. So I went home and sat down at my desk with Hurricane Irene outer bands whipping around, doing what everyone does in a crisis--I was tweeting. The ex calls a few times to check on the house. Then we hear a "boom" and there goes power.
So, now I'm tweeting from my phone. That's when I noticed the change in color of the carpeting in the mancave. Water was coming in through my sliders on my lower walkout. Awesome. So around 11 p.m. the ex calls one last time. I tell him we're taking on water. Explained that I couldn't find any sandbags. He says, "Why didn't you call me? I have access to around 100 or so sandbags." Yes, because when I think sandbags, I instantly think ex husband..?? So he brings 30 or so bags over and we find ourselves stacking sandbags at 11:30 at night, in the pouring rain. It stopped the flow of water. Afterward, we stood on the deck, covered in sand, no power, drinking beer and betting each other on which tree was going to fall next. We heard three or four fall in the short time we were standing there.
We went four days without power. It was great. I can't complain too much, though...I know someone who just got power back yesterday.
Then we get hit with another storm this week. Oh.My.Goodness. No, I had left the sandbags at the sliders. This storm was so bad, it didn't mater. Two days ago, Prodigal is waking me up at 0100. "Mom, we have water coming in." Ran downstairs to see my mancave being flooded. Sorry, I don't have flood insurance...I was having water intrusion from the foundation due to an overwhelmed sump pump. So Prodigal was up all night, using my steam cleaner to suck up as much water as possible. What a doll! Then he calls me at work. "Mom, I found the problem." My Prodigal has friends that have "What does *this* do?" syndrome. One of them didn't know what that white pipe was coming out of the house...Next to the walkout...Leading into the yard. So, he pulled on it, pulling it apart. Which in turn caused my sump pump to pump water directly onto my walkout. Yeeeaaaahhhhh....
So now, here we are. September 10 and I'm writing my blog. I quit the government in May. I work as a contractor now. My company is renting out Six Flags today. We're supposed to be there at 1000. Right now, it's 0841 and I'm watching two plumbers try and stop the leaking pipe that the dewatering crew broke on my baseboard heating system last night. Yeah...it's been a trying month.
I know this wasn't very humorous today. It was funnier in my head. Tomorrow is September 11. Ten years ago, all of our lives, ALL of them changed forever. Whether we lost someone in the terrorist attacks, deployed to defend our country against the terrorists, or just went quietly on with our lives, our lives will never be the same. It was almost like an innocence lost.
God bless you all. And for now, I'll leave you with this:
Wait...One more thing...I just looked up and he really *does* have plumber's crack...smfh
See ya!!
1 comment:
You crack me up. What is that guy about a c cup.
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