Friday, February 12, 2010

My Sons and Modesty--Is There Such a Thing?

Living with three and a half men in the house is interesting, to say the least.  It is amazing to me that everyday I learn something new about the male species.  For instance, did you know that Wii Sports causes six year olds to spout gas with every golf swing or bowling ball release?  What? You didn't???  Well, lesson number one:  It does.

Now, I'm a conservative by nature but only politically.  I've never been much of a prude at home except when it comes to manners.  You know, cloth napkins, elbows off the table, cut your food into chewable bites so you're not spewing it all over the table because you can't chew with your mouth closed....Things like that.  You say excuse me, yes please, no thank you, all those etiquette things.  But other than that?  I'm not a very modest person.  For instance, when we lived in sunny California and had an inground pool, I spent the evenings and weekends in my bikini.  Every weekend and every day after work.  I vacuumed in it, I BBQued in it, I did dishes in it, I hung out and watched tv in it (but usually put a sarong on for that....)  So, the kids grew up with a mom who is very comfortable in her own skin.  I have body issues but I also feel like if you don't like my body then don't look and for God's sake stop drooling.  You know where my eyes are.  You have alternative places to look...

Alternatively, my kids spent most of their childhood running around the backyard like wild natives.  Until they were two or three (unless we had company over), they'd be naked running around the pool.  My daycare actually potty trained them that way.  I went over to her house one day and there were all the boys, naked in the backyward.  Bear in mind, this kids were no more than 18 months old and she was pretty old fashioned.  Told me you could always tell when a boy was ready to go and as soon as she saw "the sign" to the toilet they went!  It worked, too!  My boys knew not to pee in the pool but to climb out and "water my roses."  As they grew older, they basically lived in their swimsuits during the summer months, also. 

So, short story long---there is not a whole lot of modesty in the house.  I don't think my boys know what closing the door to pee means.  They at least know to do it when they're in the bathroom right outside the living room, I've got that into their heads.  I always thought they would "grow into it."  For the most part, they have.  Little Man covers himself while I'm getting his bath ready and says, "Don't look mom, you're a girl."  Of course, once he steps into the shower or bath that all goes out the window.  *sigh

Middle Man shows a modicum of decorum.  Perhaps tooooo much, though.  Here's a contrasting example:  Three years ago, the ticks were out in force.  Because my kids tromped through the woods to go fishing, exploring, swimming or four-wheeling, we battled deer ticks alot.  I'm not sure if you know this, but ticks like warm, dark, moist places (which scares the shit outta me being female).  So, on boys they first place they crawl to is the testicular region.  Usually on the backside, too.  Wouldn't want them to be where you can easily see them.  Middle Man hates ticks.  I mean, no one likes them, but he HATES them.  Almost phobic.  So, I hear him scream from the bathroom.  I run down the hall, to find him yelling he's got a tick..."there" as he's hiding himself from me.  I tell him to let me get it and he freaks.  I mean freaks the fuck out.  "No way!  You are NOT seeing my privates!  You're not TOUCHING my privates!  No freakin' way, mom! NO!!!"  I try to explain that it's me or no one as The Man was on duty.  He would have no part of it.  He actually tried pulling it out himself then when The Man got home, he let him take it out.  Thank God, it never got fully dug in. 

Now Prodigal Oldest is a whole 'nother story.  This kid got a tick the same week, yelled for me and when I walked in the bathroom he was pulling his junk up and to the side saying very calmly, "Mom, can you get this off of me please?"  And I did.  Easy squeezy lemon peazy.  But my oldest has no modesty around me whatsoever. 

Which brings me to the whole point of this post:  Last night.  We have two living rooms downstairs--one is the "Man Cave" the other is just a living room.  Prodigal walks into the bathroom outside of the living room.  He walks out to talk to me and well, let's just say there are things a mom really shouldn't see on her 17 year old son.  I looked up at him and said, "Prodigal, please do up your pajama pants.  There are things your mother shouldn't see."  He looks right at me, without batting an eye, shifts the waist of his pants to the left and says, "The button's gone, mom.  I can't do them up." And walks off. 

And I thought I could embarass them....

6 comments:

Shell said...

My boys will probably grow up to be nudists. They're headed that way.

Janie Woods said...

Yeah, I thought the same thing when they were little. Prodigal has always been the worst but Middle Man used to show people his "tan lines" by bearing his ass no matter where we were...

Southern Sage said...

you coulda embarrassed the hell outta him!

"Son? ur what 17? I thought it'd be bigger by now"

hehehehe

I'm ust hopin to keep the daughter off the pole, she hates clothes!

Brittney said...

Haha! My son is a nudist! Granted he is only 2 but tryin to get him to wear clothes is like pulling teeth!! Lol gotta love a house full of boys!

Martie said...

Me and my kids have barely any modesty. Nudity was always a "normal" thing. My kids don't blush or comment on walking in on me in a bra and thong. But my new and improved husband? and his kids? MODEST. They freak out if my 4 year old runs into the living room in his underwear.

Karl said...

Good afternoon Janie,

You could have handed him a needle and thread.