Wednesday, September 9, 2009

For the Love of God! Pay Attention in School, PLEASE!!!

You know, lately I've had a lot of down time at work so I've been blog reading like crazy.  I'm all OVER the place.  But one recent blog by Chief made me think of an incident I had.  Sorry Chief, I know I'm cheating but it WAS a great post! If you'd like to enjoy it as much as I did, just click here.  Unfortunately, Chief pointed out something that is rampant in our society.  Idiots at check out stands.  I've actually found myself verbally tangoing with a Safeway guy over how my cop's shift SHOULD work.  It went something like this:

Me (talking to MY SON):  Wow, the weather is terrible!  Carlos is going hate it tonight.
Check out dude:  What does he do?
Me:  He's a cop.
Him:  He'll be in his car, he'll be fine.
Me:  Uh, no.  He's only in his car half the shift.
Him:  Well, that's not how they're supposed to do it.
Me:  Welllll, that's how his department does it.  Six in the vehicle, six on foot.
Mr. College grad pushing carts at Safeway:  Well, that's not how it's supposed to be done.  They're supposed to rotate.
Me:  Again, that's not how his department does it.
Mr. Getting more annoying:  What department?
Me:  He's federal.
Him:  Oh yeah?  What agency?
Me:  I don't think that's relevant and really none of your business.  And when, exactly, did I engage you in this conversation? 
At this point, don't you feel like a trapped animal????  He's got you.  You have verbally engaged the moron and you can't just walk away. You're stuck in check out hell with Satan's illegitimate love child as your host.  You have hopped in the express aisle to idiocy. 
I actually turned to my son and said, "For God's sake, graduate high school and don't work at Safeway when you're 30."  I then turned to the couple behind me and started admiring their groceries and discussing recipes until he finished his job.

I think the most unforgettable conversation with an idiot clerk was at a frozen yogurt joint--15 years ago.  That's how memorable it was-FIFTEEN FUCKING YEARS AGO!!

I had taken my best friend's little sister there for a treat.  She was all of 14 at the time.  We ordered our fat-free vanilla raspberry chocolate swirls in a cup when the Idiot asks about drinks.  In her defense, she was just 'cute as a button' (layered with heavy sarcasm).  Too bad she didn't have a brain in her fucking head.

Barbie:  Would you like drinks with that?
Me:  Yes please, an unsweetened iced tea and a root beer.
Barbie:  Um, we don't serve beer here.
Me:  No no, root beer.
Barbie:  I'm sorry Ma'am, but we don't serve beer here!
Me:  Not beer, ROOT BEER.
Barbie:  I've already told you Ma'am, we don't serve beer here.  Please don't make me get my manager.
Me:  Look, I just want a root beer you fucking idiot.
Barbie:  Ma'am, if you don't listen I'm going to get my manager.  We don't serve beer so please choose something else.
Exasperated at this juncture, I look at the soda machine. 
Me:  Ok, sorry.  Can I have a Mug??
Barbie is now all smiles and bops over to the machine.  She gets the drinks and brings them back.
Barbie:  I've never had a Mug before.  What is it???
Me:  It's a fucking  ROOT BEER!  (turning to Alexis) For the love of God, please stay in school.  Please don't ever wind up here.

I just have to wonder what special programs people like these get jobs under......


Chris Mollo said...

Wow! That's hilarious. Great looking blog and awesome writing!

Chief said...

Oh it';s totally not's called playing along... specially since you linky'd to me.

The rootbeer story is classic. I woulda had to yell something like "Are you effing drunk on the Mug, you ignorant dumbass?"

or something

Trooper Thorn said...

You should have asked if you could drink the cream soda even if you were lactose intolerant.

lifelove'n'wine said...

Haha, wow...some people are brilliant!

Anonymous said...

Sometimes you wonder if people like that really exist or if it's just a show...then something like THAT happens.

And you know it's real