OH!! Yet another one!!

This isn't the post I started out writing. I have a great one in work about Little Man's football practices this week. I guess I'll save THAT one until after his first game tomorrow. So, that said, this post is late for Fatherhood Friday--I apologize to my dear friends at dadblogs.com. I'm probably not even in the top 10 now this week....*sniff

Anyway, I realized this morning that I have another prejudice. It does fall in line with bad drivers, slow walkers and stupid people however. Let me educate you on some elevator etiquette. I'm not talking about leaving traces of last night's dinner lingering in the air for everyone else to enjoy for 20 floors. Rude yes, but not necessarily avoidable either. I have to enjoy the person that takes credit for it, though. How cool are they!!!

This morning was especially irritating for me and I'll tell you why. First, I had to deal with an IT help desk face to face. That's always fun because no matter how angry you are, you never go off on the IT office. Your life and your work are in their hands. Then,as I'm leaving my office, I not only get behind a slow walker, I get behind a slow walker that thinks the entire hallway is theirs. Now, you can drive a semi through our halls, I'm not kidding they're that wide. So, unfortunately, was this slow walker. I'm tall and I walk fast. That's not anyone else's problem, I understand, but this morning I was on a mission. I get behind the SW in the hallway. I slow down to pass on the left as she all so slightly weaves to the left. So, I slow down and go to the right--same scenario. I just let out a heavy sigh and followed her to the elevator. Isn't this wonderful! I think. Luckily, my inner voice with Tourette's syndrome stayed quiet. I don't have much of a gate guard sometimes, and things just slip. I actually think I just say things that everyone else is thinking. I'm not rude and can usually control it, but when asked a question I can be blunt and to the point.

So, we get on the elevator. I actually got on before her but apparently she wanted to be where I was standing so she basically gets on the elevator, looks at me and moves right next to me. Understand, we were the only two on the elevator at this point. So, I moved to the back wall. Two more people get on the next floor. We land on her floor and lucky me! Same as mine again....FUCK!!!!!! Now she does the strangest thing...She stops in the doors. Stops. She looks at the buttons, looks out the doors, looks back at the buttons and decides we're on the correct floor. Meanwhile, I'm trying to get out because I have to go to the security office before I head down to the help desk. The guys in the elevator looked at her then me and one shrugs his shoulders. I really wanted to push her. REALLLLLLYYYYY wanted to push her out of the elevator. She gets out and I'm behind slow/bad walker again. Wanna know how I got around her? She cut the corner and I passed on the right. I was able to do this because I was walking on the correct side! Ha!

So, finish getting my security badge updated. Get back on the elevator to go three more floors down, into the bowels of the building to the help desk. Why are all IT shops three floors below the ground??? Maybe so no one ventures down there. But I am a brave soul. I venture to the dark halls of the sub-basement. I walk straight into the IT lair, with people at their desks stealing glances of the stranger in their midst. I get the access that I need and back to the elevator I go. Now, I'm taking you back to elevator etiquette:

When an elevator stops, you let the people OFF the elevator before you get ON. It's simple enough. You also don't stand right in front of the doors so you can rush in before anyone inside can move. As I'm getting off the elevator, I'm basically bum-rushed by two very large MEN!! Nothing is more annoying than trying to get off an elevator while someone is pushing their way in. If you're one of the asses, then stop. Please. Be polite. Men, be gentleman and let the ladies off or on first. Or, if you have to step off first, put your arm across the door so it stays open until the ladies are off. And ladies? For the love of GOD stop with the perfume bathing before you're taking an elevator. If you just got done smoking, that perfume is not covering the smell, believe me. I also don't want to hear you at the top of your voice discussing ANYTHING let alone what or who you did over the weekend and where. No one does, believe it or not. We all just want to get on the elevator and get to our destination. We've got shit to do and don't want any mental images of your weekend to try and get out of our heads.

Any of you have any pet peeves you'd like to share? I know that when it comes to bad drivers, slow walkers, stupid people and elevator etiquette, this picture tells you what I think of them.....