Friday, June 19, 2009

Boobs, boxers and beer

As I sit here watching one of the greatest sports movies ever--Major League--I can't help but think of the chat I had yesterday on Dad Blogs.

My blog is Boobs, Ballgames and Beer. Now, I've talked about ball games, I've talked about beer but I have yet to approach the subject of boobs. I'm four beers in after work, so I'm pretty relaxed right now and I hope the ideas just flow.

As we talked yesterday, the discussion of boxers or briefs came up. What say you men? I say boxers. With the exception of Little Man, they all wear boxers in my house. My men swear by them and say they are the most comfortable. I think with Carlos, he would look ridiculous in tighty whities. He's built like a bulldog for one thing. The boxers are roomier and a man his size could use that comfort zone. My teenagers chose them themselves. I have no idea why. Little Man is still in his Sponge Bob undies, but ironically they're boxer briefs. So, it seems that my men choose boxers for style and comfort!! What is sexier than your husband in a pair of boxers with hearts all over them for Valentine's Day with a "Kiss Me" on the front? Who can resist that temptation??

Now, onto boobs. We had a lengthy discussion and not even the subject of a baby shower could shake us. It showed me that no matter what the conversation, if the subject of ta tas comes up, the conversation will always revert back. My question is this: At what point do men find boobies unattractive? Is there an age or is it strictly on size, shape and form? Do ALL men find boobies attractive? I know there are ass men and leg men so where do boobs fall in their priority? These are things that make me curious. In all honesty, I think mine are pretty good. I'm forty three and still in the same size bra that I wore at 23--even after three kids and nursing. Now, I'm pretty OCD when it comes to mine. I really don't want to play double dutch with them someday. If they ever get to where they look like two golf balls in the bottom of a pair of socks, it's time for me to just give up. There not large so I can't speak for women that were blessed with boobs that give black eyes during an aerobics class. The irony there is, all my sisters are in the latter category. I think God ran out of them by the time he got to me. After six other women in my family he finally gave up. Now, he obviously didn't run out of ass by the time he got to me (see 'I'm gonna live forever'). But the breasteses, he gave up on.

So this morning during my treading class, I brought up the discussion. Every woman in my class admitted that we are probably MORE obsessed with boobs than you men. When you see us looking at a couple, we're not looking at HIM, we're checking out the girl that's with him! Whatever part of our body we hate, we check out on other women and say to ourselves, "I would KILL for her ass!" Or, "I sooo hate her legs! Look how gorgeous they are!" We will be in our spinning or treading or body pump classes, yes yoga too, and put our dream body together from the other women in the class. From hair to toes, but let me tell you we are more than obsessed with other women's breasts. If you're a chick and you try telling me that you never check out another woman's rack, I'll call you on it. We do. We don't have penis envy, we have titty envy. Seven women this morning confirmed this for me. Look, every magazine you see there on the front cover is either a woman from the waist up or if it's full-length, she's in something with cleavage, right? See? Obsession. Crazy obsession.

So, I do want your opinion--is it age or strictly aestetics that would make men not want to see a set of boobs? OH, and one more question about boobs while I'm thinking of it: How big is too big? I do NOT envy women that have to have their bras custom designed by structural engineers and made from 10 yards of fabric and elastic.


Jason said...

I agree with you that women are more obsessed with other women than men are. Though I think that's changing. Men are starting to care more about their appearance and it's becoming more socially acceptable. I find myself looking at other guys and wanting to kill to have that chin or something along those lines.

As for undies...boxer briefs all the way. They make me look H-O-T ;)

Charlie on the PA Turnpike said...

Hmmm where to start? OK, the beginning:

Boxers/Briefs: I sleep in boxers, but go with boxer-briefs and a few pair of regular briefs. I personally find boxers less-than comfortable to wear all day. Ironically, there have been times when I've 'gone commando' but didn't find that uncomfortable, so I can't address the difference with boxers.

Boobs: as a girl I dated in college once opined my grandfather always says 'anything that doesn't fit in the mouth is just wasted space.'

Leaving aside for a moment why a granddad would have such a discussion with his granddaughter, there is some truth to this (and in the case of the girl I was dating, she had very little wasted space). So there is an economy of scale that plays out in this discussion. Any gal who needs a wheelbarrow, for example, is right out. I don't think size, per se, is a defining attribute, but contributes to the overall picture.

One can imagine whatever the perfect pair of boobs to be, only to be spoiled by some other glaring attribute about the gal that spoils the image for that particular beholder.

Speaking for myself, overall aesthetics wins the day... age doesn't matter.