Friday, November 7, 2008

You see, I have these moments (and crazy friends)

I am a football fan. A big one. Not the "dress up with the warpaint" type, but a pretty big fan none the less. The only thing I HATE about FIOS and the east coast? FIOS doesn't have the NFL package (like DIRECTV) and we only get three football games on Sunday--two of those are usually Ravens & Redskins.

So, I know the game. My husband, being the Raider fanatic that he is, knows it better. Not much, but a little better. We usually spend at least one game on Sunday together, cheering, sofa coaching and sideline reffing. You must remember, this is on Sunday. That's the day after Saturday. THAT'S usually the day we spend with our crazy friends. Especially, Dave and Lisa. Now, Dave and Lisa have only known us for just about two years. We realized quickly that we're the perfect fit for a friendship. They are non-judgmental, down to earth, just plain good people. Of course, the key requirement is they also like beer. Let me give you an example of a Saturday BBQ with Dave and Lisa.

I get turned onto Cosmos a few months ago. Hey, it was summer and it's a cold fruity drink. But, I get REALLY turned onto Cosmos. So I call Dave and Lisa and say, "I'm making Cosmos! Come on over and we'll throw some barnyard pimp on the grill, have a few Cosmos and catch up!" Barnyard pimp, by the way, is chicken.

So, they arrive. I've already taste-tested a few of the Cosmos to make sure I get the mix JUST right. The boys? They actually used their heads and stuck with beer. Lisa, I think, had a couple but I was well on the way to stardom. We eat dinner and settle into the back patio for chit-chat, sea stories and friendly jabs. It's at this point Abe decides that mommy needs to get on the trampoline with him. Uh....Sure!!! What a GREAT idea! What a smart five year old! Bear in mind, it's dark out. It's summer and it's dark. Tell you how late it was? Deck light is on, so I'm pretty sure it was dark.

I come down off the deck. As I swing into the yard, I hear David say, "You're not going to make it!" I vaguely hear Carlos yell, "Honey!" But I distinctly remember Lisa's twitter and, "Oh God!" I turn to see what all the fuss is about and sploosh!!! I seemed to have forgotten that we set up a three-foot deep pool for Abe. I remembered pretty quickly. I actually managed to get out of it and onto the trampoline. The unfortunate thing was, I was laughing so hard I couldn't bounce. Carlos came, lifted me off the trampoline and sent me to bed. That was the last time I drank Cosmos--I went back to beer.

OK, so I've digressed. Back to the post-Saturday Sunday game and my moment. We're watching the Raiders' game and I get up from the couch to get something from the kitchen. I come back downstairs to the Mancave and ask what the score is. The following conversation is a great example of why most women are NOT allowed in the Mancave:

Me: What's the score?
Carlos: 9-6
Me: How did they get nine?
Carlos: Uhhh, a touchdown and a safety.
Me: Oh, so they missed the extra point?
Carlos: No, they got a touchdown and a safety.
M: Oh. But how did they get nine then if a safety is worth three?
Carlos (with this incredulous look on his face): What is WRONG with you?

He looked at me like I had completely gone off the reservation. Which, for some unknown reason, I had. I was like the little kid in A Christmas Story who can't tell Santa what he wants! I couldn't believe the words had actually come out of my mouth!! All I could see was my Mancave privileges being revoked and being banished to the "family room" where I would be the only person! How could I possibly think a safety was worth three points? I was a stats keeper in high school! I follow the NFL like a rabid dog! I LOVE FOOTBALL!!

It was at this point, my day in the Mancave was over. I started to giggle. The giggling turned to hysterical, non-stop laughter. The laughter turned to tears and loss of breath. My husband is just staring at me with his mouth agape as if I had finally, completely lost my mind. He very quietly looked at me and said, "Get.....Out"

With a point of his finger, I got up from the couch and slinked to the door. I humbly went to the "family" room while the men in the house continued watching the game in the Mancave. I learned, if I don't want to lose that privilege--keep my mouth shut.

How long do you think before I lose the privilege??


Webberteam said...

Ok, even this non-football chick knows a safety is 2 points - I can't believe you lost your mancave privileges!

Janie Woods said...

I only lost them for that day. I'm on probation now....