We've all done it. I'm guilty of it. You're guilty of it. Every single sports parent or fan has done it. We yell at the refs. "Are you blind?" "Just let 'em play, ref!" "Where did you get your stripes, the zoo?" We yell at the coaches, "Come on, coach! Run a play!" We yell at the players, "Come on! Move your feet!" It's all part of the game, right? Maybe it is. Maybe it isn't.
Recently, I came upon this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71lZCFM_fyM
That there folks is the not-so-rare suburban Karen attacking a lacrosse player on the field and her rational son telling her to get the fuck back in the stands, that she's an embarrassment.
This weekend, while enjoying some college fall ball, I overheard a mom bragging about how the day before she charged at a ref on the field because her younger son (who btw is 17 years old) took a hard hit, and she just "knew" he was concussed because his helmet was up on his head. "They didn't even throw a flag!! I ran onto that field and gave that ref a piece of my mind! My son is on the sideline with a concussion and they didn't even throw a flag!??!?" Her friend: "OMG! He got a concussion? Is he ok?" Mom: "Well, I'm not sure. The trainer said he didn't have one, but his helmet was almost off his head. There is NO WAY he wasn't concussed." Her husband was sitting there, laughing and bragging about his "mama bear" wife. "Oh, you don't mess with her boys. And the fact that a flag was never thrown? Fucking ridiculous."
Now, go back and read that last paragraph slowly. Hell, just read the last four bolded words. I had to bite my tongue until it bled. I didn't know these people from Adam, but secretly I was seething. There was so much wrong with that conversation. You just "know" he was concussed, but you didn't take him to seek medical attention after the game? If he did have a concussion, what are you doing five hours away at his brother's fall ball game? So many questions ran through my head. Again, I didn't know them so I wasn't going to ask them and have it turn confrontational. Besides, I was there to watch my son play in his first college game!
Many, many years ago, when The Boy was six years old and playing in a lax tournament, he was getting mobbed. I mean, MOBBED. Sticks all over him. Head, shoulders, back, just everywhere. I wasn't a new lacrosse mom, my oldest had played club ball during his middle school years. I never freaked out. This, for some reason, was a bit different. It was a big, multi-field tournament. Everyone was basically standing on the sidelines. Boy, I saw him getting mobbed, the ref not throwing a flag and I ran down the sideline, bellowing like a bull, "Hey!! What the hell? Are you freaking going to do something?!?! HEY!!!"
With that last "hey," all action on the field stopped. All the kids and refs were looking at me. Oh, and in case you're wondering I DID say "freak" not fuck. For God's sake people, it was a children's youth tournament. I'm not completely without any standards!! Anyway, back to my story.
Where was I...Oh, yeah. All eyes were on me. The ref pointed at me. I put my hands up and said, "I'm out. I'm sorry. I'm out," and backed away from the field and left the game, muttering to myself as I walked away, "Mob my son like that. How dare they. Who do those refs think they are, letting kids behave that way? No flags, nothing? This is bullshit."
The dads never let me forget that moment. Even 12 years later, those dads still rib me about that moment. You see, there were three things I didn't find out until later:
1. A flag was thrown and two players were ejected as I made it to the other end of the field. In my "mama bear" mode, I didn't notice this. At.All.
2. There were only 15 seconds left in the game.
3. My son was embarrassed.
My son wasn't hurt. He was just fine, but his little six-year-old self was pissed at me. I don't think he knew how to tell me he was embarrassed by my actions. The fact that he still laughs about it with me at basically every game we've gone to since, tells me he remembers that moment.
As a sports mom for nearly 27 years, I've seen a lot of nasty parents and coaches. I watched a mom at a 9U football game coldcock a head coach after the game and start an all-out brawl between parents and coaches. Nine-year-old players. I've listened to parents of 10-year-old boys hoot and holler when an opposing player got hurt. "That's how you do it! Hit 'em harder!"
I've seen parents go to the sidelines during a game, and start cussing the coach because of their kid's playing time. Do you get that? During a game. I watched as a 12-year-old's mother confronted the coach, her ex-husband, about their son's playing time. On the sideline, during the game. Then the stepdad got into it with the coach's girlfriend, on the sideline, during the game, about her being the team mom. No one noticed that the boy was standing there, tears streaming down his cheeks.
Yes, as the Mama Bear of three boys that all played basically every sport under the sun throughout their lives, I've seen a lot. That behavior is why I stopped being a team mom after 15 years. I would take the brunt of a lot of hate, and I had no control over who played and when. I've had to break up fights between warring exes in stands and on the sidelines. I have seen enough to know I have seen enough.
Running onto the field and physically going after officials doesn't make you the cool, do anything for her kid, mama bear. It makes you an adult who can't keep your emotions in check and can't be rational when shit goes down. If parents keep physically going after coaches, officials, players, and other parents, sooner or later, they'll be no spectators allowed for everyone's safety. I know it's hard being a sports mom. Been one for 27 years. But keep that shit in control.
Massachusetts is facing a youth hockey referee shortage. They have had to cancel games because parents are running onto the ice to confront refs during games. One father last weekend ran on the ice and physically removed his son the goalie from the game, thereby stopping the game and the team forfeiting. In 2019, Mass had over 900 youth hockey referees. Nine hundred. Today? There are less than 300. It's not all because of COVID, trust and believe. It's parents and players behaving badly.
There are laws in place in areas of Kentucky and Texas where no one can leave a football game until the officials are out of the parking lot. This is for youth through college football. Coaches have been attacked by players, shot by parents, and attacked by angry mobs. I honestly don't know how they do it. Three years ago while I was running chains during a JV football game, a ref told me I should be an official. Nope. Not for all the money in the world.
Throwing a flag isn't going to change the fact your kid was hurt during a full-contact sport. You running on the field to lose your fucking mind on an official while your kid is laying on the sideline isn't going to change the fact your kid got hurt playing a full-contact sport.
Take care of your kid first, and take official action later through leagues, schools, conferences, etc. Your kid was hurt. Take care of THAT first.
Being a Karen or Todd during your kid's game isn't going to do anything but embarrass your kid, and if you have any conscience, it should embarrass you, too.
Don't do it. Just.Don't.
That said, Happy Halloween folks!
I'll leave you with this:
- Janie
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